Horror and Borderline Personality Disorder

I just left the theater after going to a matinee of "Bodies, Bodies, Bodies," which turned out to be pretty good and original. Still, I'm angry. Even though I was very nearly alone in the theater, there was only one time I had an outburst. Yes, I'm one of those people who react vocally to horror movies! But this was not a scream, not a gasp, not a yip from a jump scare, but a disgusted "Oh, no, not again."

It happened when a character mentioned that a parent had Borderline Personality Disorder and another character said, "Oh no, that's really bad." Other things were said that I can't recall word-for-word because I was already triggered.

The scene left the impression that having a parent with BPD was about the worst thing that could ever happen to a person.

Once again, as in another movie I just saw, "Bullet Train" (which is not horror), the writers have opted to use Borderline Personality Disorder as an example of the absolute worst in humanity. In "Bullet Train," Brad Pitt's character tells another character that they need to read a book about Borderline Personality Disorder in order to understand their own truly f-ed up, heinous behavior. I just saw that movie a couple of weeks ago, so two movies in a row for me that mentioned BPD.

Prior to these two movies, I've noticed similar mentions of BPD in horror and crime fiction, movies and TV ("Criminal Minds" and "Law and Order" are the worst offenders) for years. The horrible serial killer inevitably has BPD. And you know what? I don't think the writers of these scripts and manuscripts even bothered to research what the disorder is! They probably think it SOUNDS awful so it must BE awful, and the stigma grows and grows and grows.

Which is the reason why, in 2000—after I had completed an extensive mental health intake after years and years of depression, suicidal ideations and swirling thoughts— when I was given the BPD diagnosis I was horrified. Simply aghast. I'd never even dreamed about killing anyone! How could I have the worst of all mental health issues? It must have been a mistake.

That was the beginning of my education, and how I learned that everything I'd heard about BPD through reading and watching horror and crime fiction was just wrong.

Let's look at the definition of Borderline Personality Disorder, from the National Institue of Mental Health:

People with borderline personality disorder may experience intense mood swings and feel uncertainty about how they see themselves. Their feelings for others can change quickly, and swing from extreme closeness to extreme dislike. These changing feelings can lead to unstable relationships and emotional pain.

People with borderline personality disorder also tend to view things in extremes, such as all good or all bad. Their interests and values can change quickly, and they may act impulsively or recklessly.

Other signs or symptoms may include:

• Efforts to avoid real or perceived abandonment, such as plunging headfirst into relationships—or ending them just as quickly.

• A pattern of intense and unstable relationships with family, friends, and loved ones.

• A distorted and unstable self-image or sense of self.

• Impulsive and often dangerous behaviors, such as spending sprees, unsafe sex, substance abuse, reckless driving, and binge eating.

• Self-harming behavior, such as cutting.

• Recurring thoughts of suicidal behaviors or threats.

• Intense and highly variable moods, with episodes lasting from a few hours to a few days.

• Chronic feelings of emptiness.

• Inappropriate, intense anger or problems controlling anger.

• Feelings of dissociation, such as feeling cut off from oneself, observing oneself from outside one’s body, or feelings of unreality.

Not everyone with borderline personality disorder may experience all of these symptoms. The severity, frequency, and duration of symptoms depend on the person and their illness.

People with borderline personality disorder have a significantly higher rate of self-harming and suicidal behavior than the general population. People with borderline personality disorder who are thinking of harming themselves or attempting suicide need help right away. If you or someone you know is in immediate distress or is thinking about hurting themselves, call or text the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline at 988 or chat at 988lifeline.org. You can also contact the Crisis Text Line (text HELLO to 741741).

Please note that nowhere in this definition or description of behaviors does it say that people with BPD become murderers. In fact, the person who is in the most danger from BPD is the person who has it! We are extra hard on ourselves and tend toward self-harm and suicide attempts. It IS a horrible condition to cope with, although not all of our days are as described above. But let me tell you, having these symptoms is no cakewalk.

That's why I can't understand why writers would want to add to the stigma of this disorder by painting us out to be bad people. I was walking through Barnes and Noble once and saw a book about how to cope with the FIVE MOST DIFFICULT PEOPLE. I picked it up, knowing what I would find, and sure enough, people with BPD were on the list.

Now I am fully aware that I have upset the people I love the most. Life with me can be extra challenging when I go to a place where my emotions are pinging and I can't seem to regulate them. But like I said, I'm not going to hurt anyone but myself, and the people I love know that. I've talked to them about my condition. It IS hard for them to see me in this state, but they also know that the best thing they can do is stay with me, stand by, and let me figure this out. Sometimes all it takes is a distraction, an opportunity to self-soothe ("Hey mom, let's go to the movies!") or plunging my face in a bowl of ice (not kidding, this is a well-researched method of resetting one's emotions).

The best thing you can do for a loved one with BPD is help them find a therapist who practices Dialectical Behavior Therapy. It is NOT a talked-based therapy, which, for me, never worked, and I had years and years of it. All it did was bring up my awful childhood and remind me of where I came from. Dialectical Behavior Therapy takes you where you're at and teaches you skills and strategies to change the way you deal with life. A person with BPD has learned all kinds of skills based on the situation they were in as a child...and those skills are not helpful to adults in the real world. DBT is a tested therapy that WORKS. Trust me, I know. In fact, I recently learned that a person can be CURED of BPD. That's right. CURED.

I didn't intend for this post to be an education on a mental health disorder, but I do feel that what I have written is necessary to help combat the horrible myth around Borderline Personality Disorder that has been propagated for years by writers of fiction. As with any kind of illness, it helps to talk about it, but I've never gone public with my diagnosis because I am a children's musician and I was afraid people would think I might hurt their kids. I was afraid people would not want to have me in their lives. I was afraid my friends would shy away from me. In fact, I have been rejected by at least one friend I confided in about my mental health, and you can imagine what that must feel like to someone who has my condition. Even as I write this I am afraid.

All of this being said, if you are a writer, I IMPLORE you to stop using BPD as a trope. If you want to be a great writer, then do your research, and please stop harming people who already feel bad about themselves.

Thank you for listening.

If you or someone you know is in immediate distress or is thinking about hurting themselves, call or text the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline at 988 or chat at 988lifeline.org. You can also contact the Crisis Text Line (text HELLO to 741741).